My Story

Sarah Patterson

Webster, Kate, Bethan, Claudia and Icile Neely

It's hard to remember back 17 years when our daughter told us she was lesbian and then introduced her partner. They are still together and now have three children. They live in a house with play equipment and a tree-house. They drive a minivan, they go camping. Just normal family stuff. Our daughter is a family practice physician. Her partner is a stay-at-home mom. They home school. They have 2 dogs, a lizard, 2 rabbits, and 3 aquariums. Normal family stuff.

But 17 years ago, as I assured her that I loved her, I secretly feared her life would never be "normal". I had two gay friends, but knew no lesbians. My Unitarian church believes in the worth and dignity of each human being, and that all have an equal claim to life, liberty and justice. So religion was not a problem, but still I was disturbed. I felt like I was carrying a heavy weight. Our daughter gave us books to read and I learned about PFLAG. I soon attended a meeting and as I left, I realized the weight was gone. There was a room full of gays, lesbians and parents--and they were all such nice, interesting people. But some had sad family stories. There was no way we would lose our daughter. We needed to learn more. So we read, went to meetings and learned so very much.

We slowly began to tell friends, who reacted well, then relatives, some of whom "hated the sin but would love the sinner". I don't know what those individuals think now, but they are always fine around us all.

Five years after our daughter "came out", we did the same, in a Christmas letter to tell the world that she and her partner would soon have a baby. It was a huge relief to now assume that everyone knew and to be able to just talk casually about our family.

We have stayed involved in PFLAG , now because we want to help change the world. We want our lesbian daughter to have the same rights as our straight daughter. And the people we've met in PFLAG are wonderful. Many have become good friends. At this point, I would not change a thing.