My Story

Annette

Matthew

Our son Matthew "came out" to us in February, 1998 when he was 19 years old. It wasn't much of a shock because it was something we had wondered about for a few years. But I don't know if you're every really prepared to hear something like that. I remember my first reaction was "I'll never be a grandmother"!!!!

Being born and raised in New York City, I certainly was not homophobic. But I did worry about Matthew's future - will he be safe? will he be able to get a good job? will he be treated equally? All these thoughts ran through my brain.

A few months later I went to a Hadassah program down in Bloomington. There I met the editor of Lilith Magazine - a Jewish women's feminist magazine. I told her about Matthew and asked what resources there were for me. She told me about PFLAG. I looked up the Indianapolis Chapter on the Internet and made my way to my first meeting.

I don't know what I expected, but I was happily surprised. I met some wonderful people there - people I'm still friendly with. At the Sharing Circle, parents discuss their fears, reactions, hopes and dreams for their children. They receive education and support from the "old-timers". By continually attending meetings, I became stronger and more "out" as a parent. I told my parents and in-laws about Matthew. Eventually I told friends and even acquaintenances. My attitude became one of openness and strength - if you don't "approve" of my son, I don't want to have anything to do with you!

After attending meetings for a while, I was asked to become the Program Chair. For the past few years I've been bringing speakers to our monthly meetings, who talk on a variety of topics. I also have been becoming more involved in the Advocacy aspect of PFLAG. Because of the drive on a state and national level to pass the Anti-Gay Marriage Amendment, I am working with PFLAG and other organizations to make sure these laws are not put into action.

Matthew just graduated college and is working here in Indianapolis. At first I was worried because Indy is not a very gay-friendly town. The State wants to pass an anti-marriage amendement, and the City of Indianapolis recently voted down an equal rights law with regard to GLBT people. My first thought was that he should go to a more gay-friendly city, such as New York, Chicago or Boston. Matthew was on the Dean's List, was in a National Honor Society and won an award in his field of Communications for a paper he wrote. Why should he stay in a city and state that doesn't want him? But we found out that the company he works for honors diversity and we feel better now.

Because I am more "out", my son is a happier and healthier person. They say that when the child comes out, the parents go into the closet. Well, I have found that in order for my son to flourish, he needs to know that his parents love and accept him 110%. That way, he can go about his business of working, learning and just living his life without worrying about his sexuality and how it affects other people.

My son is a normal 27-year old. We love and respect him. Our dreams and hopes for him are the same that any parent has for their child. Matthew's sexuality is only a part of him - it does not define who he is as a person. I hope that as parents, you will join me in working for the advancement of civil and legal rights for our GLBT children through PFLAG and other like-minded organizations.